I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
