Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
