bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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