You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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