you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
