Your face is a jimmy john
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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