i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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