dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
