We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
