honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
