he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
