don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
