When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
