Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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