This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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