OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
