I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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