dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
