i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
