My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
