By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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