I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
