I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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