Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
