Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dick very happy bro
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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