I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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