I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
