wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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