I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
