He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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