That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
