yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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