We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
