and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
