I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
