i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
