He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
