Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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