Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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