Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
