i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
birth control should be required to get into college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
