btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
