so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
