There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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