apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
