Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
