i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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