you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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