Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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