I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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