Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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