She is in my trunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
