If i come over, it means nothing
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
