So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
