She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
