Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
