he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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