My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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