He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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