i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
