so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
