Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
