Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
