Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's always time for handjobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
