Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
