If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
